Friday, April 11, 2008

Olympic tour reaches…

As a security measure to avoid a repeat of the shocking pro-human-rights and not-really-liking-the-brutal-oppression protests that disrupted the Olympic flame's visits to London, Paris and San Francisco, the authorities in Buenos Aires have altered their plans.

Instead of moving through the streets of the Argentinian capital, the flame will be diverted slightly and will now dash briefly through the streets of another city in another country in specially imported secure vehicles. Details are not being released, with government sources citing, "The usual 'It's terrorism, so do what you're told' stuff, you know the story, like".

Mad in China
The flame will be kept safely behind darkened glass to avoid hurting the eyes of spectators.

Is it dark or a celebration of Beijing smog?
The planned daytime procession will largely be replaced by what organizers are not calling a "midnight dash".

Burn, baby, burn
Some photographers were dismayed that the photocall with Denise Van Outen and Konnie Huq holding the flame was held inside the van. A Chinese embassy media spokesperson said that they could always Photoshop the van out afterwards.

Red is an auspicious colour
Many happy spectators greeted the flame as it hurried past in a decoy vehicle.

Meanwhile, Olympic organizers have dismissed suggestions that it was a crass misjudgment to include as demonstration sports public execution, tank dodging, democrat shooting, and public humiliation for the benefit of the people's cultural revolution. "These games will be a reflection of the diversity of Chinese culture," a spokesperson said, "Including the bloody awful bits."

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