Monday, September 11, 2006

I Have a Dream: I Am Asleep on the Job....

"The ideals, beliefs and policies of the Progressive Democrats are as relevant for the future of our country now, as they were when we founded the party more than 20 years ago," Mary Hoor-knee said as she announced her intention to step down as party leader. Well, that much is certainly true: they are about as relevant as they ever were.

The PeeWeeDees, second party in the coalition government, are fourth party in the Dáil, with eight seats. That's one seat for every 375,000 registered voters. Fine Gael have more TDs, but they're not in government and they only have one seat for every 97,000 registered voters. So, clearly the PeeWeeDees are representing more people.

Aren't statistics great?: This graph clearly shows how important the PeeWeeDees are. (graph generated by the PPARS integrated graph project)

Hoor-knee has been a member of the PeeWeeDees since the party started, and has been party leader for thirteen years (unlucky for some) and Tánaiste for nine: she must take credit for what they've done to, I mean for, the country. "During this time," Hoor-knee announced tearfully, "our dreams for the well-being and progress of our country have begun to be fully realised."

Hoor-knee is pleased with what she's done.

Eh, yeah. The Skanger assumes then that the PeeWeeDees dreamt of:
obscene financial stupidity in public service IT project management;
a transport system for Dublin that prioritizes the Dundrum shopping centre over the airport (and no, you can't have any new buses);
an education system that still has outside toilets;
a health system that allows you choice and flexibility about which private insurance company you go to to top up the taxes you've already paid;
a commuting situation that puts people in sub-sub-suburban sprawl estates and then relies on cars, cars, cars, and a few more cars, which are then put on roads that were out of date before they even started building them;
an Olympic-sized sieve with holes in the government-negotiated management arrangements;
Gardaí who have lots of legislation to implement but no decent radios, no properly comprehensive system of driver-training, another one of those stupid public service IT projects to muddle through with, and a government that wanted to let off Scott-Medal free a gang of 'RAShinner scumbags who executed one Garda and tried to do it to a second;
a prison system that's so overcrowded and chaotic that it amounts to outsourcing random capital punishment;
we could go on and on and on like an M50 tailback (you know, the ones that have nothing to do with the tollbooths but very often happen just before the tollbooths and not after them).

Nails: helping to hold the National Aquatic Centre together.

"The PeeWeeDees are on a journey, a journey into new political thinking," Hoor-knee proclaimed as she announced her decision to watch the party sail away. "There's a great deal of foolishness in Irish politics, but the PeeWeeDees is a thinking party."

"We're no ship of fools," Hoor-knee told party colleagues, "What I'm leaving is a thinking ship."

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