Saturday, September 30, 2006

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Taoiseach Enrichment

In the reaction to the Taoiseach enrichment report, Oireachtas powers are to consider their next step, which may include seeking sanctions against Bertie Ahem-hem.

An RTÉ report said that Bertie undertook a round of Taoiseach enrichment in 1993 and 1994. It also said that Bertie had not "provided the necessary transparency to remove uncertainties associated with some of his activities".

Bertie had granted inspectors access to financial facilities but had not provided all the information requested, it stated. The inspectors had been unable to "confirm the peaceful nature of Bertie's enrichment programme".

A senior Fianna Failure official said the report backed up Bertie's honourable claim that he was pursuing a peaceful enrichment programme, just as the party did for many years under Haughey, Lawlor, Burke and their honourable friends.

Bertie's honourable position on enrichment is that he is simply doing what he is allowed to do. He argues that he needs enrichment and wants to control the whole process himself. He says he will not use the enrichment to do anything naughty. Publicly, the new Tánaiste sort of agrees; privately, he is said to be annoyed that he's only just learnt how to play at being Tánaiste and now Bertie's going to go and ruin it all on him.

Taoiseach Bertie has repeatedly stressed that Fianna Failure will not yield to opposition pressure, and he has denounced FG as "tyrannical". The Oireachtas worries that Bertie cannot be trusted because he long hid an enrichment programme.

Bertie insisted that he is an honourable man, and would repay the debt of trust that he owed the electorate. Unless they wouldn't take it back in which case he'd keep it and say nothing.
The most cunning and devious:
Bertie is an honourable man widely known for his honesty.

Friday, September 22, 2006

I want to be able to go rob one of these Apple iPhone yokes

The Skanger was out trying to rob one of these iPhone yokes over the weekend. He couldn't get one cos apparently they don't exist yet. But if anyone wants to buy a few nice new mobile phones, Nokia, Sony Ericsson, the lot, the Skanger maybe knows a bloke who might be able to get you a good price on them. Say nuttin, yeah? Bargain.


Monday, September 11, 2006

I Have a Dream: I Am Asleep on the Job....

"The ideals, beliefs and policies of the Progressive Democrats are as relevant for the future of our country now, as they were when we founded the party more than 20 years ago," Mary Hoor-knee said as she announced her intention to step down as party leader. Well, that much is certainly true: they are about as relevant as they ever were.

The PeeWeeDees, second party in the coalition government, are fourth party in the Dáil, with eight seats. That's one seat for every 375,000 registered voters. Fine Gael have more TDs, but they're not in government and they only have one seat for every 97,000 registered voters. So, clearly the PeeWeeDees are representing more people.

Aren't statistics great?: This graph clearly shows how important the PeeWeeDees are. (graph generated by the PPARS integrated graph project)

Hoor-knee has been a member of the PeeWeeDees since the party started, and has been party leader for thirteen years (unlucky for some) and Tánaiste for nine: she must take credit for what they've done to, I mean for, the country. "During this time," Hoor-knee announced tearfully, "our dreams for the well-being and progress of our country have begun to be fully realised."

Hoor-knee is pleased with what she's done.

Eh, yeah. The Skanger assumes then that the PeeWeeDees dreamt of:
obscene financial stupidity in public service IT project management;
a transport system for Dublin that prioritizes the Dundrum shopping centre over the airport (and no, you can't have any new buses);
an education system that still has outside toilets;
a health system that allows you choice and flexibility about which private insurance company you go to to top up the taxes you've already paid;
a commuting situation that puts people in sub-sub-suburban sprawl estates and then relies on cars, cars, cars, and a few more cars, which are then put on roads that were out of date before they even started building them;
an Olympic-sized sieve with holes in the government-negotiated management arrangements;
Gardaí who have lots of legislation to implement but no decent radios, no properly comprehensive system of driver-training, another one of those stupid public service IT projects to muddle through with, and a government that wanted to let off Scott-Medal free a gang of 'RAShinner scumbags who executed one Garda and tried to do it to a second;
a prison system that's so overcrowded and chaotic that it amounts to outsourcing random capital punishment;
we could go on and on and on like an M50 tailback (you know, the ones that have nothing to do with the tollbooths but very often happen just before the tollbooths and not after them).

Nails: helping to hold the National Aquatic Centre together.

"The PeeWeeDees are on a journey, a journey into new political thinking," Hoor-knee proclaimed as she announced her decision to watch the party sail away. "There's a great deal of foolishness in Irish politics, but the PeeWeeDees is a thinking party."

"We're no ship of fools," Hoor-knee told party colleagues, "What I'm leaving is a thinking ship."