Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Cead Mile Feck-Off

Mark Brennock, Chief Political Correspondent of the Irish Times, noted in an article on Monday last that the Government "seems set to restrict the numbers of Bulgarians and Romanians who can come to work in Ireland after their countries expected entry to the EU next year."

Brennock's reading is that this restriction, "coupled with the imminent Bill to make it compulsory for non-EU citizens to carry biometric ID cards at all times, will be used by the Government to signal that it is being 'tough' on immigration." (1:sub)

The Skanger has learnt that these moves are in fact part of a wider plan, coordinated by Ministers McDowhatyourtold (Justice, Equality and I-am-the-Law Reform) and O'Dingle (Community Renaming and Gaeltacht Affairs), to control immigration into Ireland.

Minister O'Dingle (right) has previously denounced mobile phones as "instruments of neo-colonial Anglophone oppression" and promotes traditional Irish horns as an alternative.

An earlier part of the plan saw the Irish language being recognized as an official language of the European Union. That saw the creation of jobs-for-na-buachaill√≠ worth €3,500,000 each year (2), and a total estimated cost to the EU taxpayer of €30,000,000 every single year (3).

The plan, as we understand it, is to make Irish the compulsory language in all contacts with public servants, the hope being that foreigners will be unable to get the compulsory ID cards without learning the language. The government hopes that many simply won't want to live here: as McDowhatyourtold remarked, "we don't want their non-national work ethics, or them dumping their mucky big multinationals on the green breast of mother √Čire."

Minister O'Dingle, deigning to speak in the language of the imperial overlord, remarked, "A lot of them Poles and the like come here on account of us speaking the English, so we reckon that if we make everyone use Irish then they'll all just go to England instead and leave us alone to be properly Irish."

When asked what properly Irish people who choose not to speak Irish might be expected to do, the Minister laughed and said, "Properly Irish people don't choose to speak anything but Irish. And if they won't choose it I'll feckin make them like I made them eejits give up that 'Dingle' nonsense."

"If they won't speak Irish they can feck off back where they came from. We don't want them here. If they want to speak English let them go to hell or to England."

British Home secretary, John Reid, is said to watching developments with interest, and is rumoured to be preparing a similar move away from modern English and back to Anglo-Saxon. Some Labour backbenchers, however, are reportedly unhappy at the selection of Anglo-Saxon, arguing that it is "too hyphenated" and so "not safe enough, given the current climate of the war on terror".

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