Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Cead Mile Feck-Off

Mark Brennock, Chief Political Correspondent of the Irish Times, noted in an article on Monday last that the Government "seems set to restrict the numbers of Bulgarians and Romanians who can come to work in Ireland after their countries expected entry to the EU next year."

Brennock's reading is that this restriction, "coupled with the imminent Bill to make it compulsory for non-EU citizens to carry biometric ID cards at all times, will be used by the Government to signal that it is being 'tough' on immigration." (1:sub)

The Skanger has learnt that these moves are in fact part of a wider plan, coordinated by Ministers McDowhatyourtold (Justice, Equality and I-am-the-Law Reform) and O'Dingle (Community Renaming and Gaeltacht Affairs), to control immigration into Ireland.

Minister O'Dingle (right) has previously denounced mobile phones as "instruments of neo-colonial Anglophone oppression" and promotes traditional Irish horns as an alternative.

An earlier part of the plan saw the Irish language being recognized as an official language of the European Union. That saw the creation of jobs-for-na-buachaillí worth €3,500,000 each year (2), and a total estimated cost to the EU taxpayer of €30,000,000 every single year (3).

The plan, as we understand it, is to make Irish the compulsory language in all contacts with public servants, the hope being that foreigners will be unable to get the compulsory ID cards without learning the language. The government hopes that many simply won't want to live here: as McDowhatyourtold remarked, "we don't want their non-national work ethics, or them dumping their mucky big multinationals on the green breast of mother Éire."

Minister O'Dingle, deigning to speak in the language of the imperial overlord, remarked, "A lot of them Poles and the like come here on account of us speaking the English, so we reckon that if we make everyone use Irish then they'll all just go to England instead and leave us alone to be properly Irish."

When asked what properly Irish people who choose not to speak Irish might be expected to do, the Minister laughed and said, "Properly Irish people don't choose to speak anything but Irish. And if they won't choose it I'll feckin make them like I made them eejits give up that 'Dingle' nonsense."

"If they won't speak Irish they can feck off back where they came from. We don't want them here. If they want to speak English let them go to hell or to England."

British Home secretary, John Reid, is said to watching developments with interest, and is rumoured to be preparing a similar move away from modern English and back to Anglo-Saxon. Some Labour backbenchers, however, are reportedly unhappy at the selection of Anglo-Saxon, arguing that it is "too hyphenated" and so "not safe enough, given the current climate of the war on terror".

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Ireland's Biggest-Selling Daily Horoscopes?: The Irish-ish Indepen-don't

It's good to know that the Irish Indepen-don't is working hard to bring us an independent Irish perspective on world events. Yesterday their World News featured the following:

"Peace hopes fade as Israel's army prepares" (© Daily Telegraph, London);

"Saddam back in court for historic genocide charges" (©The Telegraph, London);

"Germany on alert over terrorist attack threat" (© Independent News Service, brought to you by The Independent newspaper, the London one);

"Immigrants ban causes uproar in Smallville, USA" (©The Times, London).

Today they treat us to, amongst others:

“Bush warns UN force must be sent to keep ceasefire alive” (© Independent News Service, again);

and the earth-shattering,

“Scent by Beckhams: lookalikes launch fragrance” (© Independent News Service, yet again)

All reputable sources, I agree, but not Irish. Of course, the problem is economies of scale and the Indepen-don’t probably can’t afford to be paying too many of their own actual journalists when they have a half-page (in the tabloid, anyway) of horoscopes to finance.

Then again, mumbo-jumbo is probably cheaper per-column-inch than old fashioned, old-media stuff like investigation, facts, evidence, and informed, considered opinions from journalists operating in the same context as your readership.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Mary Hoor-knee: being this good is expensive

Minister for Wealth Mary Hoor-knee, interviewed on RTÉ Radio One's Morning Ireland, set out very clearly the Government's position on the crisis in the Middle East. They have taken expensive advice and are adamant that the advice is important and that it would be an absolute disgrace if it wasn't. But they can't say what the advice is.
Mary Harney - because I'm not worth it

The interview is also available HERE

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

The M50 is closing for repairs, please pay for your trip now

What with the M50 about to close for repairs, and as an addendum to our earlier remarks on the Dublin Port Canal, the Skanger notes that in the Fourth Schedule of the Dublin City Council Special Speed Limit Bye-Laws, 2006, speed limits for the Dublin Port Tunnel have been set at 80 kilometres per hour.

As a matter of public interest, the Skanger would like to inform you that 80 kilometres per hour is approximately 43.2 knots.

The bye-laws came into effect on 9 July 2006.

Provision for new helpful signage has also been made.

Lanes for bikes (dumped) and barges Tourists will be able to make their way from the Dublin Airport Medieval Theme Park to An Lár by way of L19 (blue ring) - it couldn't be easier (at least not without building a rail link)

The M50 will remain open but only as a carpark. It will be available as a park-and-ride facility for those hoping to use the revitalized canal network to commute.